You may have heard what we were up to in January with peanut butter and nutella.
Then you started talking about speculoos. Oh yeah, we went there. But don’t get your hopes up. It wasn’t that good.
All-Nutella: Awesome. This one was obvious. Indulgent, but an interesting, not-over-the-top way.
All-Speculoos: Disappointment. This really wasn’t very good. Freezing speculoos accentuates the fats on the palate. Oily tasting. The only thing coming to mind at the moment is frozen butter. It was kind of like that at times.
PB-Speculoos: Nothing to write home about. The fatty mouthfeel of the speculoos is tempered by the peanut butter. It’s all very strange – I actually checked labels & while all three of these foods are up there in total fats, speculoos is actually the lowest of the three? Anyway.
Nutella-Speculoos: Something about this isn’t working. I’m not sure if it’s too sweet, or if I’m always going to home in on the issues I have with frozen speculoos now.
PB-Nutella: The original. The control blok (hey, this is science, we do this right). Still good. There’s something about the fats in these two that doesn’t stick to the tongue like with speculoos. IT’S WHY THIS WAS A GENIUS INVENTION IN THE FIRST PLACE. Like the original Back to the Future, you don’t screw around with success trying to make some kind of lazily imagined sequel that takes you to all kinds of messed up places you never wanted to go on a fun second trip to the future like alcoholism and spousal abuse. You rest on your laurels and rock out late into the night at Enchantment Under the Sea and you don’t bail to get back to some “1985” and a Toyota pickup truck destined to age just slightly better than your going nowhere girlfriend who would be cut for Elisabeth Shue anyway. You stick around in the past and blow their minds with Van Halen riffs for the rest of your awesome 30-years-in-the-past life, amassing a fortune betting on everything you can think of and learning from Biff’s lesson of gluttony and overindulgence in the sequel I JUST REFERENCED. It’s how you DO IT CALVIN. GOLDIE WILSON’S HILL VALLEY IS RUN ON IDEALISM AND ITS CITIZENS WERE BEARING AN UNREALISTIC TAX BURDEN ANYWAY THAT WOULD ULTIMATELY LEAD TO LACK OF FAITH IN MUNICIPAL LEADERSHIP THAT WOULD UNDERMINE LOCAL ECONOMY FORCING LEGITIMATE ENTERPRISE OUTSIDE THE CITY LIMITS AND DOWNTOWN WOULD END UP WITH SEX SHOPS AND A PORN THEATER ANYWAY. He should never have even been the mayor in the first place but caught in a tidal wave of civil rights euphoria Hill Valley was infatuated with the idea of its first black mayor at the expense of their own due diligence as no one ever considered that Goldie had absolutely zero experience in managing anything more than the end of a broom at Lou’s Cafe and why should that make him in any way qualified to manage the complex dynamic of a post-war Hill Valley so what did he do in his first term when faced with a challenging city budget resulting from years of abused entitlements to police and fire but anchor a promising and burgeoning downtown with a Market Basket grocery store which stifled any possibility of urban cultural enrichment and ultimately turned what could have been a gas lamp district into a bic lighter district replete with abandoned shopping carts and unkempt transients littering every corner and left with no other creative options as a direct result of his limited experience and unwillingness to concede cuts to retirement programs Wilson put it on the backs of the taxpayers leading to a general sense of apathy that would allow smut shops to flourish in a political climate that had now thrown zoning and any other such civic approval mechanisms to the wind.