Quick blurb before bed

It’s been two weeks since I wrecked at Rumpus.  Had some really good workouts at the gym since, but haven’t been back on a bike yet.

I’m trying so hard to motivate myself for something right now.

It seems so difficult to want to stay fit.  I know I need to be in shape.  When the fall rolls around, and I’m not strong, I will get decimated.  That should genuinely motivate me.  But part of me just wants to throw in the towel entirely on the entire year.  But yet the other part of me reminds myself that cx season is so short & a super special time of year that you can’t squander the opportunity.  But yet another part is just like – dude, shit has been seriously serious this year, so just veg.

So in the meantime I’m apparently doing all this rubber banding between being active and working out and then just not.

It’s so weird.  When I was in peak hillclimber-mode, it was all I thought of, riding & being fit wasn’t a chore or a question or a debate or anything – it was just what I did.  What drove me, what motivated me – it took care of itself.  Now, I feel like nothing is sitting in there internally & subliminally pushing me.  I have to fight to find it.  If I have any momentum, I can only keep it for a short time, and then it fades.  I can’t figure it out right now.  I also really need to take a shower, so we’ll talk later.