In a funk

I’m still over a month away from my visit with the neurologist. That appointment won’t come soon enough. I’m starting to go crazy. It’s not like I’m expecting some kind of magic diagnosis or miracle solution to the way I’ve been feeling. I guess I just want to know, definitively, whether or not being so damn tired is something I can control, or if it’s influenced by something that I can’t.

I’ve been rubber-banding big time. I have these huge efforts on the weekends, and then I have absolutely zero energy for days on end. There’s no balance whatsoever. Now that I’m unable to mountain bike on Wednesdays or race in Loudon on Thursdays, I’m missing a lot of structure to help keep me fit. I’m gaining weight. It’s nearly June, and I’m in a pretty substantial hole already. At least 15 pounds.

I’m starting to think that running again might have to be my way out of this. Which had me thinking about 2005, when I was running almost every single day of the week for months on end. How is it that “back then” I could sustain that effort, and today I can hardly get out of bed? It has to be consistency and moderation in effort. Has to be. My diet is probably better now than it was back then; that can’t be it. My level of stress really hasn’t changed one way or the other. And it’s not like I didn’t have hard efforts back then. Somehow the schedule of regular, balanced exercise levels things out?

Unfortunately, and this is why I need this neuro consult so badly, is that the only other variable not present in 2005 are three concussions. The more I think about this the more frustrated I get. Even last spring I had great energy, but even then, that was two less concussions ago. I’m going nuts. I need this issue put to bed.

If I haven’t mentioned it already, self-hypnosis is very beneficial in so many ways, but particularly for keeping me sane throughout this process. I need to do it more consistently because I’m starting to crack. Like anything it needs to be a routine.

I think I’m doing the Okemo hillclimb in June. I need to get back into a climbing routine; it’s just a matter of feeling up to it.

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