What the hell is it with Mountain Dew

I mean I like the taste of mountain dew but why is it that every single time I drink some, no matter in what quantity, I feel like I just mainlined coffee grounds. I experimented today with the 8oz small aluminum can, and I already have tunnel vision and I am seriously considering smashing through this wall like the Kool-Aid Man. I drank tons of this shit as a kid and I swear it wasn’t nearly as potent. I also used to eat a lot of raw meats, dough, and batter so who the hell really knows what was happening back then. But listen my point is that Mountain Dew is basically Tourette’s in a can. If you need to show ID for Sudafed then I can’t see how this is any different. I have shown the small can next to a normal size can for perspective. I could never drink the Pepsi because it would probably cause me to immediately release my bowels or take my life.

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