boston – why bother

I mean where do I even start. I buy a g*ddamn GPS just to find my way around Boston and we get on Storrow and it’s like “at the end of the road, turn left” – end of the road? WTF that doesn’t even make sense; and by the time I process how stupid that sounds I pass the left hand turn I should have taken which incidentally is NOT at the “end of the road” because that’s IMPOSSIBLE so anyway it reroutes me and I’m thinking, OK we’re like really close to the hotel, we should just take the next left and cut over a few streets NOPE it reroutes me all the way across the Charles then through MIT and then wants me to basically take an impossible if not illegal lefthand turn back onto Storrow which of course doesn’t happen so we then have to turn around and go through something that resembles a rotary but instead of being predictable and round like every other rotary on the planet this one is special and has a bridge and a road running directly through the middle of it, traffic lights all around it, i mean COME ON ALREADY so anyway I don’t even remember how we actually got to the hotel but we got there, get upstairs, everything seems nice and then I see we have a pair of beds and not the king bed we reserved so we call downstairs and “Andy” tells me that there was a “computer glitch, you know how these things happen, we’re actually sold out of king beds for the night” and I’m like “no Andy, I don’t know because I reserved the room almost two months ago and it baffles me that you can take the reservation and then just give the bed away”. “Well sir, its a computer problem, you can understand how these things happen”. “Well Andy, no I don’t, I think it’s ridiculous”. “Well sir, certainly you’ve had computer problems before” and that was the last straw, I mean give me a break dude the room is booked under IBM and you’re laying some horsesh*t computer problem story on me that i’m just supposed to be ok with not to mention you are making zero, zero concessions here, doing nothing to make me happy at all; how else am I going to react except to tell him this the last time I’m ever staying here and I hang up on him and then MYSERIOUSLY he calls back 30 seconds later “sir i was just about to tell you before you hung up on me – oh go on you patronizing piece of crap tell me more about computers – that we just happen to have a king bed available now on the 24th floor” WELL ISN’T THAT INCREDIBLE so a bellman comes up and I’m reasonable to the guy because this isn’t “Andy” and we have no history nonetheless this guy treats me like a complete piece of garbage and basically just gives me the keys and makes me feel lucky he didn’t rape or take my life well good vibes so we part ways and of course this new room while containing a king size bed smells like air freshener muting some underlying unidentifiable odor so now it’s just all bad, we head out and walk to the Arlington T, which is right there here but requires us to walk an additional block west to another location since this conveniently located station is boarded up which to be honest most of this city should be because Boston’s grand excuse for everything is that “we’re under construction” which is exactly how you spin a place that is in a perpetual state of disrepair, just tell everyone “we’re working on it” and somehow we’ll imagine that better day and live through it well anyway a block later we descend into Arlington T and it’s like walking into a morgue, everything is dirty, everyone is angry looking, it’s dark, anyone could commit any crime here at any time and who the hell would give a shit or find out anyway, and come on already this place is a block from Newbury Street? And of course the green line is packed, that’s no problem it always is no big deal, but we get to Kenmore and big surprise, more “construction”, what a piece of crap this place is and the only way I know which exit to take is thanks to some unknown individual who took the liberty of making handwritten signs with copy paper and sharpie and taping them in various locations wow thanks Menino you’re really rolling out the welcome mat and it’s only Kenmore, I mean it’s not like everyone on earth will be coming through here in another month, anyway on to Landsdowne Street and we’re sauntering along and a white limo pulls up ahead of us along the curb and the back door opens and some dude leans his head out and just vomits all over the road, my god man it’s what 4:00 in the afternoon you’re in for a long night anyhow we do our thing get back to the room and I have probably the worst night of sleep ever, this sleep number bed is basically a slowly deflating f*cking trash bag which bottoms out at some point in the night and I alternate between dreams of being chased by Jason who runs at me with a shotgun pointed at his chest and I pull the trigger and of course nothing happens and I keep running and the other dream in which I pummel a coworker nearly to death only to realize after the fact that it was completely accidental and I at the time thought I was beating the crap out of Dwight Schrute so anyway we get up, leave, get out into town, people just don’t give a shit about other people in this town, apparently at least 70% of the time I’m holding the door out of sheer goodwill for humankind and deserve zero acknowledgment well glad I could be of assistance I’ll be here until later this afternoon people just hate themselves or love themselves here, what on earth is the appeal of this city oh I guess if you own a dog under certain random circumstances you are entitled to just bring it into the store with you so that’s a nice perk people invent for themselves here, oh big surprise again here more “construction” I’m sure now that the economy is in full swing that work will just finish right up this place is hopeless and ko tells me the hub wanted to host the olympics? olympics of what? no wonder people get absolutely annhiliated here there’s literally no other way to survive here without perpetual inebriation and OH THIS WAS GREAT I buy a water and apparently chinese math works like this: water is 1.68 I give her a 20 she rounds the water up to 1.90 and then gives me $10 back well that’s interesting I had no idea meals tax was all of a sudden 13% plus some arbitrary ten cent penalty just get me out of here I’m getting off easy if I just leave so ultimately things are good we get in the car head down stuart street and I want 93N and there’s a sign DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF US that says 93N GO LEFT and TomTom is demanding we go RIGHT which is the ramp for 93 SOUTH to quincy? oh certainly that’s a MUCH better decision this thing is absolutely useless right now much like this place itself I only come here for the music otherwise why bother.

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