Today I was on the off-ramp on 101, which makes a complete circle back over the highway to get to the I95 tolls. About halfway through the ramp, the chick in front of me, instead of continuing to make the circle, just loses complete focus and drives straight. Right off the road. Whole car just bounces like crazy as it hits the granite curbing which lines the ramp. Debris is flying all over the place as she whips the wheel and somehow gets the car back onto the ramp without really losing any speed. It was hilarious and disappointing. There was no crash, and I so desperately wanted there to be a crash.
That reminded me of a trip I took down I93 a few months ago. I’m in the passing lane and this woman, phone planted firmly against her head, is RIGHT on my bumper. Like NASCAR close. And she is completely oblivious to this whole driving thing that we’re doing – you can tell – she is extremely focused on this phone conversation. I’m watching all of this in my rearview. I can also see a kid, sitting in the backseat. The kid is all over the place, so right away I can tell there are no seatbelts involved in this family. I catch a glimpse of the license plate. WHEREAMI or something like that. So I’m like, I’ll tell you where you are.
I HIT the brake. Easily I scrub off like 30mph at once. In my rearview, here she comes. Not even paying attention I’M JUST TALKING TALKING TALKING OH WAIT WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!!! She comes within a hair of the back of my car, still gabbing away, before she realizes what is going on in front of her. She nails the brake and the front end of the car takes a terrific dive toward the ground. In my rearview I see her kid get launched off the back seat and get planted right into the back of the passenger seat like a doll. I figure that ought to give her something to think about.
Nope. She recovered, kept gabbing, and eventually blasted past me on the right and headed for Londonderry.