Which fall beers taste like shit and which are ok

I have a ton of things piling up at work right now. But I don’t really care about that shit so I’m going to rate some autumn beverages.

THIS BEER IS HORRIBLE AWARD: Smuttynose Pumpkin Ale
Pretty much this beer is goddamn awful. It is basically a rollercoaster of flavor that rides up one side of the crotch and down the other. Remember when Harland Williams takes the swig of piss from the beer bottle in Dumb and Dumber? That’s pretty much what I’m talking about. Do not buy.

I HAVE NO REAL OPINION BUT IT SEEMS FINE AWARD: Blue Moon Pumpkin Ale
This stuff is alright, probably if you love Blue Moon this is right up your alley. You can drink it and not hate yourself. I dunno.

GET READY TO MAKE AN ASS OF YOURSELF AWARD: Gritty’s Halloween Ale
From the first sip, you can tell that Gritty’s will completely annihilate you if you give it a 4-6 beer opportunity to do so. It is sweet, and that means it is strong. I believe it had decent pumpkin flavor. But by the end of bottle #2 flavor will only be a fleeting memory as the little headless fancy person on the bottle will instruct you to proceed to locate and consume more.

BEST BEER IN THE UNIVERSE AWARD: Shipyard Pumpkinhead
I don’t know why you would waste your time and money trying a bunch of other “pumpkin” beers such as Smuttynose, Blue Moon, and Grittys when you can just listen to what I tell you and save yourself a lot of disappointment. Pretty much if you drink that other shit you are wasting your time. If you don’t have a lot of time on your hands you can buy it in a pop-top 6-pack, but this is a cruel trick because you can save yourself some trouble and get a 12er which comes with binge-enabling screwtops.